One in a Million

I have always struggled with the question, “When did you become a Christian?”

It seems that I am always surrounded by people with a story. A moment that completely shifted the course of their life. They didn’t know Jesus, and then they did.

I never envied the wilderness some have had to walk through to find Jesus. I grew up in the church, I always believed in the Holy Trinity, I always did the “right thing,” and of course had my highs from church camps and getting baptized as an adult. But, I have always felt inadequate because I don’t remember one specific defining moment that changed my life. I didn’t have a “day” where I knew I completely surrendered every aspect of my life to God.

Until November 8, 2021.

On November 8, 2021, my dad had been in the hospital 4 days with COVID that had progressed to pneumonia. He seemed to have rough mornings but then would improve throughout the day and be able to get up and sit in a chair at night. So I went to work on Monday thinking it would just be another day of that cycle until he was feeling better. It was ~10 o’clock and I had just finished seeing a patient. I got flagged down in the clinic to come take a call from my mom. I knew if she was calling my work office, it couldn’t be good. My heart sank as she said, “St. Rita’s just called and dad’s oxygen is dropping on BiPap, they have to put him on a vent.” I tried to hold it together to make it through my next patient, but my boss came and told me to go be with my family.

So I drove from Tiffin to Lima- what seemed like FOREVER. By the time I got there, they had him intubated and had to give him a double dose of the paralytics to keep him in a medically induced coma since he was resisting so much. They were taking chest x-rays to see what they were dealing with. Not even an hour after getting there, the ICU doctor took us back to the meeting room. I thought he was just going to tell us the obvious, there is some damage to his lungs which is limiting his ability to retain oxygen to pump into the rest of his body- so the vent will help him breathe while his lungs heal.

But, instead, he said, “Damon has ARDS. This is immediately fatal and has a very low chance of survival. There is a very good chance he doesn’t make it from the extent of damage present in his lungs.”

I was numb. Not my dad. My best friend. My #1 fan.

Who would I call on my way home from work every day? Who would I call to talk about the most recent college football upset? Who would remind me to check my oil in my car? Who would I call to ask to help me fix literally whatever I needed?

All of the thoughts flooded into my head of how my family would move on without him. He would never get to walk Kalie and Karlie down the isle. He would never get to meet his grandchildren. He would never see the girls graduate college. He would never be able to help Graham and I fix up our first home and raise a family together.

And then I broke down. I tried to hold it together for mom and the girls while the doctor explained our options. But I couldn’t. It was all too much to comprehend at that moment.

Luckily, my WONDERFUL husband Graham is finishing PA school THIS WEEK (YAY), and has stayed current throughout his clinicals on treatment for COVID and pneumonia. He had read some studies on use of ECMO in treatment of COVID pneumonia so he discussed this option with dad’s doctor and nurse practitioner. St. Rita’s had just brought the ECMO program to the hospital in May of this year and there were only 2 machines in the whole hospital. One of which had just become available the day before.

The doctor was very clear that the ECMO did nothing to aid in the curing of the pneumonia or the damage done to his lungs, but rather would buy him time to see if his body could heal itself. I have been asked a lot about what ECMO is… so I will explain in the easiest way possible. Basically, they inserted a port into his right groin through his femoral artery. This port removed all the blood from his body that did not have oxygen in it. It sent it into a machine that would put oxygen in his blood. And then there was a port in his neck through his carotid artery that allowed the blood with oxygen in it to be placed directly into his heart and pumped to the rest of the body. Essentially, the machine became his lungs since his lungs could not put oxygen in his blood.

The doctor said utilizing the vent + ECMO would be his best chance at survival, though still unlikely. Without hesitation, we told him to do whatever needed to save dad. They needed to do the cannulation ASAP to give him the best chance, but it would take 2-3 hours for the cardiologist to prep and then 3-4 hours for the ECMO placement itself.  

So we waited. We started to contact family. But I couldn’t even get the words out. One by one our entire family started showing up at the hospital. When they finally had the lab prepped, they brought dad out of the ICU room to take him down. They allowed all of us to surround him, hold his hand, and pray over his body. The nurse even suggested saying the Lord’s prayer, so we all started to say the Lord’s prayer over him in the midst of our sobs.

Then they wheeled him away. We met with the cardiologist next and like all of his other doctors that day, he was absolutely amazing. He explained exactly what the ECMO was, what it would do, and the risks associated with it. He said he will have a nurse, NP, doctor, or respiratory therapist with him at all times the next 72 hours. He would have to have labs and blood drawn every 15 minutes to alter the levels of oxygenation. He said “something will go wrong every hour for the next 72 hours that will make you question why you did this. But its his best chance.”

So we waited, again. We sat with our whole family taking over the waiting room. Circled in prayer, we cried out to God to save dad. He was so much to so many. He literally did it all from single handily taking care of our property and my grandparents house/yard, fixing up or renovating projects for his brother, nephews, friends, strangers, mowing or plowing snow for many in the community – what would we all do without him?

I had never prayed so hard in my life. I had never broke down like that in my life. I had never come that close to completely and utterly falling apart.

But that moment changed my life. As I knelt on the floor of St. Rita’s ICU waiting room, I felt the presence of God surround me. I still cry as I sit here and write this- thinking back to that moment. I had never felt so completely out of control of a situation that I needed to surrender every aspect of my life to Him. In that moment, I knew complete brokenness. But I also knew the faithfulness, love, and peace of my Father.

So was I a Christian? Absolutely. Had I completely given my life to the Lord? I thought so… until 4 weeks ago… but in that moment- I realized this is my story. The story that no one wants, but now I had. And being on this side of it, I can truly say how grateful I am for the darkness; for the wilderness. Because until you go through a moment where you feel like you are losing everything, you don’t realize how much you have. I have never felt a love like this. I have never felt compelled to change every aspect of my life. My behaviors. My perspective. My outlook on life. My priorities.

God took one of the most cherished things in my life and said, “Even without this, you have all you need.” And he wrapped me up in the peace and comfort that even IF He chose not to answer our prayers in the way we THOUGHT they should be answered- that He is still good. He is still faithful. He is still worthy of all honor, glory, and praise.

Over the next 72 hours, we didn’t sleep much. We waited by the phone constantly. But we never heard anything- so we learned quickly that no news was good news. We got our daily updates as we went to see dad form 2-4 every day. Within 24 hours, the doctor was encouraged that the progression of the respiratory failure was halted. The first step to getting better was not getting worse. So we praised God.

Within the 48 hours, they were able to lower the ECMO and started to see healing in this lungs… something we were told would take at least 30 days to see.

Within 72 hours, they told us they weren’t going to trach him because they were trialing bouts without ECMO and he was doing well.

Within 4 days we got a call that they were decannulating him (taking out the ECMO ports) because his lungs were picking up the work after 3 hours of having the ECMO off.

Within 5 days they stopped the paralytics and sedation.

Within 6 days he was awake.

And on the seventh day, he rested. Just like the story of creation. God created the world in six days. Then he rested. God healed our dad in 6 days. And then he allowed him to rest.

Over the next 3-4 days dad came a little more to life each day and by the 3^rd day off the vent, he was walking out into the hallway of the ICU… Something we were told to expect at least 3 months before he could do.

By the 5^th day off the vent, he was being discharged to come home. Something we were told at least 6 months to expect – IF he would come home.

A miracle. An absolutely, undeniable, miracle. The doctors, nurses, friends, every medical professional we have talked to has no way to describe it but that of a miracle. We have heard repetitively, “Do you guys understand that lungs just don’t heal like that? I have never in my 20+ year career in critical care seen something like this.”

That’s my dad. A walking miracle. THAT’S MY GOD. A MIRACLE WORKER.

I have always had faith. I have always believed in a good and faithful God. But I have also seen tragedy and loss that made me question if miracles still exist.

Boy, let me tell you they exist! And I am so humbled, blessed, grateful – every word you can think of – that this was my story. My dad’s story. My families story. It has completely altered the course of my life, my devotion to the Lord, and my faith in a miracle working God.

November 8, 2021. That’s the day my “new life” as a Christian truly began.

“I will mediate on the glorious splendor of Your Majesty, and on Your wondrous works. Men shall speak of the might of Your awesome acts, and I will declare Your greatness. They shall utter the memory of Your great goodness, and shall sing of Your righteousness.”

Psalm 145:5-7