One in a Million

Happy Easter friends!! 

Did this holiday sneak up on anybody else or just me? We have been so busy doing last-minute projects, getting ready for baby, and just spending quality time together before our little boy gets here. Things are flying by so fast! 

Easter is normally my favorite holiday. What a special meaning there is behind the resurrection! I normally take time to reflect and prepare my heart for this holiday but if I’m being honest I have been very overwhelmed. Typical me, I have been feeling very emotional about being unprepared for motherhood. They say there’s nothing you can do to be prepared… But I always feel like I can do more to be better prepared to raise “the perfect little boy.” 

I have been really in my head about trying to make everything perfect. This is some thing I have prayed for for so long, yet the closer it gets the more intimidated I am by it. I’m constantly questioning am I the right person to raise this little boy? Is this something that I was ready for? 

Then this morning in church I was overcome by a wave of emotion. 

Standing there singing about the resurrection of Jesus, I was taken back to exactly a year ago where I was at. 

Last Easter I was standing in that exact spot, tears flowing down my face because we had just found out three days prior that our little baby didn’t have a heartbeat. I remember in that moment going to the altar and just praying out to God to save our baby. Just show up for us God. Please let there be a mistake. 

But there was no mistake. 

I was in such a dark place after that loss. There was for once nothing I could do to full the void. No achievements, no successes, no material item could fill the emptiness. 

I KNEW I had to dig into the word because God was the only thing to fill the void. And in doing so, I truly learned that you don’t know real faith until you are tested to believe that even then, God is still good. Even when I was still angry God didn’t show up. 

Then this morning as that all hit me I looked down and I felt our sweet boy kicking, knowing in 4 weeks or less I will be holding him in my arms. I started to have tears flowing down my face thinking about just one year ago when I felt so empty like God didn’t show up for me. But, today I was reminded that He did show up. And He always shows up at His perfect timing.

I sat down from worship and the sermon starts. I expect the typical Easter morning service… but it was way more than that. 

Pastor starts with “God is waiting and His purpose to do a greater thing.”

The scripture used for the sermon was John 11. It was the story of how Lazarus died and Mary and Martha cried out to the Lord to come save their brother. And Jesus casually said no I am not coming right now, I will get there when I get there. He waited four days to show up after Lazarus had died because they believed within three days there was always still hope. When Jesus came on the fourth day Martha took it out on Jesus. She was angry at him because he didn’t show up for her.

She said- Lord if you were here you could’ve done something but you didn’t fix it. You didn’t save him. 

But we all know what happens next. Jesus didn’t show up when they thought he should. He showed up just in time to do something greater, something more powerful. Something that could show his message. He resurrected Lazarus after all hope had been lost. 

Then Jesus said “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

Jesus didn’t just understand resurrection. He didn’t just see it happen. But He says I AM the resurrection. Jesus was literally the Lamb that was resurrected for the salvation of the world. He died and rose again so that we may live eternally.

I think everytime I’ve read this story before I’m like jeez Martha, a little demanding aren’t we? But it’s so easy to read the Bible and be hard on the characters… not realizing, we ARE them. 

Sitting there, I related so deeply to Martha. One year ago, I sat in that seat begging the Lord to come RIGHT NOW. And I was mad when He didn’t. Like Martha, I had many conversations that went just like hers “Lord if you would have just showed up, you could have done something.” 

But this morning, feeling those sweet kicks- I was reminded that God DID show up. Not when I told Him to. Not when I thought He should. But in His timing to do something greater for His kingdom. 

He showed up just in time. He let my loss be His story. He let me fall deeper in love with Him so that I could be used to help others going through the same heartbreak. He wanted to develop my faith and my heart to know that I can’t fill my life and my emptiness with things of this world. I just need more of Him. 

And He didn’t have to- but 3 short months later, He answered our prayers again with our little boy. 

God answered in His purpose, in His timing, just as He always has. And what sweet joy it is to know that he sent His son to die for us. To be resurrected 3 days later. To establish eternal life for all who know Him. 

What comfort that Jesus declared I AM the resurrection and life. What peace knowing our angel baby never experienced death, but lives daily knowing who Jesus is. 

Easter hit a little bit different with that message this morning. But this soon to be mama’s heart needed that to reflect on in the coming weeks. I won’t be perfect. But my son will grow up knowing endless love from his mommy and daddy and unconditional love from His Heavenly Father.

It is my prayer that I will daily remember the resurrection and submit to “Let it be your will, Lord, and not my own.