One in a Million

Have you ever noticed God’s sense of humor?

When thinking about the attributes of God, humor was never in the top words I would pick to describe Him. But in the last 2-3 months, He has REALLY humored me. I finally got to the point in my life where I achieved seemingly everything I had ever dreamed of… yet I was left feeling empty.

A little insight into my journey over the last year and a half… I received my doctorate in physical therapy in August of 2020 and have been working in outpatient practice for the last year and a half. Two things about me: I am very much a routine person and I am extremely goal driven. I’m always focused on the next thing. So when I graduated, I had finally achieved all of my goals. But I was still left empty. What’s next?? I didn’t know.

In the last year and a half, I have switched jobs 3 times because I have had trouble finding contentment. You see, healthcare hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. All my life this is what I thought I wanted. I spent 7 years of my life and hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to achieve this dream. But it has fallen significantly short of a dream. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my profession. I LOVE helping people. I LOVE seeing results. I LOVE giving people their life back. But the other parts of healthcare suck the joy right out of it. So I had been struggling a lot with “what is my purpose?” Is this really my passion? Is this all God has in store for me?

When I was at one of my lowest points, contemplating this very question, is when my dad got sick. Talk about rock bottom. My world was in shambles. I didn’t know what God had for me. I didn’t even know how to move forward from that point.

Through that process, though, I began to write. To me, it was nothing more than sharing my dad’s journey and a means of expressing my emotions- grief, fear, joy. But I really found it to be a way to connect to people. It allowed me to relate to people in a way I had never experienced before. God had laid something on my lap that I never knew or dreamt in a million years would be “my gift.”  

As I had mentioned in previous posts, after my dad recovered, I really felt led to keep writing… but I have always hated writing. However, I felt like writing and doing this blog was a big step out of my comfort zone and maybe a step closer to finding my purpose.

So God, like He often does, reaches right in and just as you’re getting comfy- and makes you uncomfy. After each blog post, I had several responses asking me to come speak at their church, youth group, women’s group, lifegroup etc. I am a TERRIBLE public speaker. Literally thinking about speaking in front of people makes me break out in hives. So each time the offer came up, I was like um you don’t want that, I am terrible at public speaking- I think God intended for me to just write.

You know what happens when you tell God what His purpose for you is? He laughs at you. And then He persists until you can’t hide anymore.

At my church I am in a women’s group called Barnabas women that’s all about discipleship. We have gone through a series of books and are currently on our last one in the series. It’s called “If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.” It is based on the story of the disciples. They were all in a boat at sea when a terrible storm came in. Through the storm, they saw Jesus walking on the water and he said “come.” Out of the 12, Peter was the only one who had faith to step out on the water- having faith that Jesus would protect him. The others were comfy in the safety of the boat, refusing to step out of their comfort zone for potentially something greater.

The challenge after the first few chapters was to open up to the group about something you felt God might be pushing you towards and discerning whether or not that’s something you should pursue. I literally said well I started a blog and that’s not something I really ever wanted to do so yay me for that. But now people are asking me to speak and I just REALLY don’t want to do that so I guess I need to discern that but I REALLY hope I can just keep writing and that’s good enough.

I know God was listening to me in that moment and laughing at me because he already knew how he instructed to Holy Spirit to move. That same exact day, literally 4 hours after we left our group… I get a message from someone I had connected with during my dad’s journey, “Hey Kenidi, I’m taking over the women’s group at local church and was wondering if you would prayerfully consider coming to talk at one of our meetings.”

Okay God, good one. I immediately texted a few ladies from the group who I had been in a lifegroup with for a few years and said, “Y’all are gonna laugh so hard because you know how much I don’t want to do this… but guess what just happened. Yupp, I got asked to speak again.” I couldn’t ignore God’s divine intervention for the call on my life- as badly as I wanted to. So I messaged her back and told her that story. I said “so my answer is a quick yes before I have the chance to justify why I shouldn’t do it.”

But that’s not where Peter’s story ends. Peter took his eyes off Jesus for a millisecond and realized the storm that was around him. He got scared. He began to sink in the water. And Jesus said “Oh you of little faith.” Despite Peter’s risk, he was still met with periods of doubt and resistance. He was human, just like us. But he was the only one able to reap the benefit of touching the hand of Jesus because he was the only one willing to take the risk.

If you never take the risk, you will never achieve Gods purpose for your life.

What I’ve realized is that God is going to further His kingdom with me or without me. He has given me the choice to come along side of him and make disciples, or become a boat potato. So while I still know I’ll have those moments of hesitation, doubt, and fear- I want to be  Peter and say “yes Lord, I’ll come.”

And I encourage all of you to do the same. I know it’s hard to find your talent, your calling, your purpose. I have always been a terrible writer and speaker. But here I am.

A wise mentor told me over the last several years, to find your calling, say yes to everything. If you hate it, it’s not your calling. But it’s usually going to be what you least expect. So say “yes”, and trust God to open the door to providing a whole new joy filled purpose in your life.